Or rather, I have left. In this mass re-organization of my life, my electronic life is moving right along with it. And blogspot is so easy since I use gmail a gazillion times a day. So, please do not be a stranger. http://sarahsargent.blogspot.com/

7 hours, thinking of nothing so I can figure out what it is I am thinking. A nap with Jin and watching old Buffy shows. Staring at my belongings and the memories; a trip up north, helping Grams & Gramps move, a road trip, shopping like crazy in Sevilla to distract my mind from accepting leaving, a window sill, the many thoughts I have had on the color red. I can sigh and know a month makes movement but I have decided that I do stay the same, like my physical form I just look a bit older each year. A short life based on dualities in every corner. Easing the difficulty with stretches of land, songs I have neglected, pen work, reading, plane tickets, color schemes, loving. There is a difference between difficult and hard.

I love how Miami feels like what you were expecting.

Gross, the smell of packing tape.

The bedside table is filled with reading. You lay there going through the popcorn ceiling, the shingles breathing a sigh of relief. The sticky air remembers you throwing stones on the other side of the Atlantic, wanting to hate everyone whomever loved you. Up you are, so high it does not seem daring anymore. Eyes closed, the voices set in and you have been present too often, unable to deny their opinions, their decisions. You have now been held up high, walked alone, walked behind and guided too. All the questions still matter, yet knowing never makes it easier. Down, down, down. You always know where you are. And still your thoughts go back up to the sky, watching the sea, holding your hands close inside.

r|m:
And now I wonder how
I stood by, and I let you down
But maybe I couldn't see
That you would burn for me.
You were strong and clever
And I didn't know any better
Didn't know any better...
I could have set you free, but I watched you burn
Yeah, I could have set you free but I watched you burn
I watched you burn

I believe in desperate acts.
The kind that make me look stupid.
(Look like a fool)
Just keep reinventing myself.
It's move or die.
(I change my form)
These days the people I love
are spread so far apart.
(All out of reach)
It's a thin sheet
Across the face.
(Cover me now)

That's pretty old.
I never felt like this before.
I say that every hour.

It's never going to be like it could have been.
Now it's just this room.
(Window looks back)
You're a big part of it.
But I don't care.
(You take the lead)
And can you really see me now
Like I made me?
(Made me anew)
Just like anyone at all.
Safer alone.

So right, so wrong.
Another winter's coming on.
You win, you lose.
It's the same old news.
(These things go wrong so often)
Pick up the phone
and punch your home code.
Somewhere, sometime let me make you mine.

Lean your head on mine
Like you used to.
(Used to your lean)
I don't mind if you're faking it.
(Make it seem real)
I'm not asking the questions.
I'm not demanding the answers now.
(Take what you give)
Right or wrong, just take me,
lead me on.
I'm going.

"I lost my voice, hope I didn't break it.
These little demons by my bed whisper secrets, the kind you never hear.
I dip my toe into this cold cold life.
In a cell, we kiss and tell all our keepskes.
Soar, hit the floor, got my first glimpse of the sky.
The stars were on your side.
I say hello and it's good bye again."

parts of in saddening around, jawbreaker

for your dreary and/or sick days:
http://www.bravia-advert.com/

what is comforting? those phone calls, those emails, those songs that turn up, or photographs or phrases or jabs to the heart when you see someone from a distance walking, or random, chance situations that remind you of those influential chapters in life. sure. yes.
they will be there and have been for years.
one must be in a certain ready point, a mental state of comfort or discomfort in order to write the next chapter. and then what. well, it seems that is where your character comes into play and divergence breathes the barriers.
to be satisfied and happy, without the lame connotations, without the fireworks, but with such peace. it's a pretty place. sometimes this fear slips in, knowing i could never guess how it all ends. which makes me feel like what i want, The Fairy Tale, will turn out differently, will turn out bad. the fear goes away maybe 2/3 knowing that nothing has gone the way i thought. i think living with 1/3 fear is good, just as it is bad. seems these days i can reason everything bad to be good which really means everything is just one thing and adjectives are a cheap way to use language anyways.

but no matter where i turn, bad or good, it is so pretty here.


I will wear something with sparkles and float through this night, stuck in reverse. I will think of those I cannot replace and then get caught up in thinking of nothing at all.
I learned how to do that this summer.

you know gray, better than me. you know how it's hums, how it sleeps, how it creeps in the shadows of clouds, of exhaust pipes, of dining forks, of the light that crosses your eyes when glancing down in tears, in frustration, in defeat. how it breathes, how it rises with the heat during the day, how it flows with the fan in an afternoon nap, of a parking bench, of your fingertips reaching for a favorite hand, of the light under your eyes when they glare in flames of hope, of joy, and uninhibited laughter.

There is always something more to learn, something more to remember, something more, something else, something is not always more or less, it just exists. Like me, like those gray skies in all of london, like all the passenger seats i have fallen asleep in, like the smell of the closet in the guest bedroom at 1818 delaney avenue, years and years ago.

it is too hard to make anything definite, lately i don't mind it being so. it's like sammy hagar or critics who like everything, what's the point? i have found that even when the desire to find certainties in life cease, the on-a-ledge scariness of having faith never finds someone else to haunt.

I believe in desperate acts.
The kind that make me look stupid.
(Look like a fool)
Just keep reinventing myself.
It's move or die.
(I change my form)
These days the people I love
are spread so far apart.
(All out of reach)
It's a thin sheet
Across the face.
(Cover me now)

That's pretty old.
I never felt like this before.
I say that every hour.

It's never going to be like it could have been.
Now it's just this room.
(Window looks back)
You're a big part of it.
But I don't care.
(You take the lead)
And can you really see me now
Like I made me?
(Made me anew)
Just like anyone else.
Safer alone.

So right, so wrong.
Another winter's coming on.
You win, you lose.
It's the same old news.
(These things go wrong so often)
Pick up the phone
and punch your home code.
Somewhere, sometime let me make you mine.

Lean your head on mine
Like you used to.
(Used to your lean)
I don't mind if you're faking it.
(Make it seem real)
I'm not asking the questions.
I'm not demanding the answers now.
(Take what you give)
Right or wrong, just take me,
lead me on.
I'm going.

When everything is so familiar it becomes routine, ten minutes go by without talking and the first word that comes out is English, you know you are 'adjusted'.
There is only one setting that makes me miss my phone; walking home late night, my iPod playing something meaningful (not the song; tonight it was new order, live). So the wind is here at night and of course, like driving, I'm probably not wearing my glasses and the world is painted sarah. These walks feel like my long drives home or any late night driving when I want to call my favorite people and find out their lives are going also. Sometimes I call them but mostly I think of favorite memories and what I appreciate most in life.
Not ready to leave here.

(The following is a mixture of emails and basic timeline stuff which had intentions of becoming electronic but did not until now)

June 2005
The French keyboard is rough.
Wednesday I purchased my groceries; 3 oranges, 4 apples, 4 yougurts, a half a round of some sort of cheese I have not yet tried, and a baguette I split into 5 good size pieces which I placed inside one of our freezer bags I brought with me.
My alarm clock doesn’t work! The alarm part does not sound off! This girl Larin’s was also not working so we found this store called MonoPrix to buy one. It’s like a very nice KMart. So we split the cost of one because it was almost 11 euros ( there is no euro symbol on this keyboard ). It was only a simple windy one where you pop up the top to turn the alarm part on, nothing digital.
Would have been $1-2 back home. So, FRANCE! I went to an Italian restaurant Wednesday night with one of the other two residences here. AMAZING table red wine, so inexpensive. Larin and I split 4 plentiful glasses for 4.90 euros. Met a girl Natalie who has been living here in Paris for the last two years after participating in this program. She has now become our go-to person for any
question we may have.
Went on the roof when I got home to find two other girls had the same idea. I wish I knew their names but they are nice. We discovered how to climb onto the roof of the roof where you can see the top half of the Eiffel Tower!!! You can also see part of Notre Dame and the big dome of the Colosseum. Afterwards, I called both Dad and Mom; Dad answered and he and Katy were golfing. It was a bit surreal as our connection was poor and the thought of the two of them golfing together in the Florida sun at 11ish at night with the units on my phone card tick-ticking away made me slightly choked up. Which perceded me then trying to
go to sleep, missing Katy, missing Mom, missing Dad and very much missing Edward. I have never experienced missing someone(s) the way I do when an ocean separates me from those so dear to me. It is more of a sensitivity to life than actual missing; knowing how great and at the same time impossible to share such greatness, and worse yet, the haunting thought of never seeing them again.
Yikes, that sounds depressing. I’m not, at all, just super sensitive and wanting those near me to know that they are everything for me, even when compared to the greatness out here.
Yesterday was a packed day, although I am begining to see that most of my days will be that way. I went running in the morning in the beauitful nearby park. It was harder than when I left. Maybe because my legs were so sore already from the all day walking which reached a peak with yesterday.
Went to Montmarte, where Amelie draws the arrows near the ‘carnival’ type scene with the carosel in Amelie is. I do not remember the scene well but it is actually a very, very large hill with a nice church (only 200 years old) at the top. A very excellent view of the whole city of Paris. This area is also near the Moulin Rouge. I walked around by myself for a long while, took a nap on a bench (clutching my bag/purse). There is so much to observe/learn. We had split into 3 groups for this expedition and I was in Natalie’s group which helped us learn much.
Afterwards we went to the Louve’s courtyard to kill about 20 minutes. OH MY GOD. The place is the largest thing/spectacle I have ever seen in my life. Unbelievable. Cannot wait to go inside. Will have to many times. I received my photo id pass for the Louve to which is pretty cool looking. Wish I had given them a different picture though, I think I look like a body builder in it. Also re my Carte Orange too, which is my month long bus/metro/RER pass. Which by the way are the cleanest, nicest subways I have ever been on (compared now with London, Barcelona, Madrid and New York).
So, back to my day, we then proceded at 6:30 to take an hour long boat ride up and down the Siene which means I got my first look at the Eiffel Tower! Perhaps cheesy but nevertheless, so impressive. It is like the Statue of Liberty, you think it would be much larger than it actually is. They also show what the US gave in return, a tiny (maybe the size of a vw golf) flame from our statue of
liberty which sits on St Michele, the main strip next to the Siene.
It is very nice to understand how the city works and where everything is better now. I really like taking the buses, very scenic.
Didn’t get home to eat until 9 pm. It doesn’t get dark until 10 here and already I can see the sun rising. Went out with a few friends I have made to a small strip of the most adorable bars I have ever seen. Had a beer, went home, showered, went to bed at 1. Everything begins much later in the day.
Today we have an ‘emergency french lesson’ and then explorations in the city, a somewhat guided scavenger hunt but on our own. We meet at the end of the day to discuss. We bought two bottles of different red wine last night (total of 9,80 euros; yay! for student budget recreation drinking plans) in which we will hang out in the common area of our dorm tonight and drink to which hopefully means I will finish my readings for my first class tomorrow. I also started to reread A Moveable Feast, can’t explain how much more I enjoy it now. Tomorrow we are having a picnic at a chateu that will be lit with 2000 candles,
a fantastic site I’m sure.
I have some good French people stories, a few stereotypical ( one guy put his cigarette out in Larin’s sandwich! ), but mostly everyone we meet is super nice. I just stay away from my fellow loud Americans.

So busy here it never stops. The exact way one wants every day, yes? Or perhaps will a few guarantees such as sleep, food, hot water.bath, etc. But I meet people here a lot that do not stop, ever, and I think it takes years off their lives after awhile, yet they are deeply effecting those around them and ‘leaving their mark’ so to speak. Once a person decides there is some specific area for him/her to be apart of, that he or she wishes to affect on some scale or another, there is, I don’t know, a sort of chain reaction. I am going to start rambling any moment if I have not yet started. I have been thinking about it a lot though.
Today my class traveled all over the city to visit a gallery and two artists. http://www.galeriewolff.com. The gallery owner talked much about his program which aims at launching emerging artists. A lot of galleries say they do this but have programs based more on what is considered the ‘newest’ and nothing on the goals/content of the artist. Then again, many artists are only in art or end up making art in a semi race to be the newest.
We also visited a Dutch artist who helped found www.incident.net a very important net-art database. Super important.
And then an American, Leslie Goldberg, actually a sculptor but so much more. I am too tired to discuss.
Yesterday I slept until noon and then caught up on readings/writings. I also had my fancy French dinner, a complete five course meal, the main two dishes escargot and a fish that is not offered in the states. It was unbelievable and easily one of the best dining expereiences I will ever have in my life. The whole process lasted three hours. It was beautiful. I attached a picture of the girls I sat with although my teacher whom I sat next to is not in it.
I am re-reading Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast. It is the perfect way to end the day.
I take the bus or the metro home each day; the smells are equisite or terribly harsh. Sometimes I am scared to smell as I don’t want to feel nauseous. That is mainly the metro though; the streets are different, every block seems unique and sometimes you get swept up with the most romantic feelings about life in all of its sadness punctuated with steep jabs of joy. It’s not enough to be thankful and yet nothing is ever enough for a girl who wants to share everything by saying almost nothing but not saying crap. I am smiling writing that.
Things are more pressure filled there, all self inflicted.
My main goal right now is to work out my process in both thinking and doing. And I hate the word process but I am sticking with it.
Tomorrow is another free day so I will run in the a.m. and then I have three sights I want to visit then leaving for an all day trip to Chartres Friday morning.
Lol and Jenna from London will be here this weekend which should be a blast. I think we are going to visit the catacombs. Tonight I have much to read and would like to watch the sunset from the rooftop but I have a bad cold so I don’t know if I could last that.

Seems that every night about this time I come down to one of these two computers with the intention of writing an email but I am so exhausted, every single night. And I am right now, but that is okay.
Why am I exhausted? Well, take a seat. Okay, that’ll do.
I left at 830 this morning (very early for Parisian time) to attend a lecture on Christian Boltanski ( http://www.tate.org.uk/magazine/issue2/boltanski.htm ). Lunch break. Then a 2.5 hour visit to Pompidou ( http://www.cnac-gp.fr/Pompidou/Accueil.nsf/tunnel?OpenForm ) to the Big Bang exhbition. This is the best show I have ever seen, my entire life. They completely tear down exsisting boundaries in art that are becoming less and less relevant. What I mean by this is more obvious in the how of the set up. They set rooms up by categories and then the categories can have any kind of media as long as it’s relevant to the subject/category. Kind of like the radio show ‘This American Life’. For examle a room can be in the subject of childhood and have every form of media from a cubist painting by Picasso to a scary photograph taken 20 years ago by Cindy Sherman. Every form of media was used, sculpture, installations, video, music, painting, furniture design. All was modern or contemporary art and I could not get through it in 2 hours! I’m serious, there is so much! And truly, museums kind of get weary for me, too much of a visual overload. But this exhbit is something else. So, yes, I need to go back.
Our visit was only 2 hours because we went to go see the studio and more work of Benjamin Lee Martin ( www.benjaminleemartin.be ) whose father is American and mother French. Very laid back, nice, geeky guy. It’s funny, sort of, with all the artists we have met, it seems the ones that say they’re not very philosophical about their work are the ones that are the most. Of course.
And then, finally, I went to an art opening on the complete other side of Paris. At first I was thrilled that the metro we needed to take was only one line so we would not have to make any changes but then there was the realization of rush hour. Let’s pause a moment to think of what rush hour means to you. You probably think of cars, boiling together in a fusion of heat and metal, everyone wanting to be elsewhere. Well, it’s the same in the subway except with humans. I truly believe there should be a law against wearing sleeveless shirts on the subway. It was 91 degrees today (yes, abnormally high) and there is rarely anything like air conditioning anywhere. So you can imagine my terror as I am smooshed between two sweaty, just been running in the park for hours, guys. I had flashes of the driver pulling the breaks and this French armpit swallowing my face. It was horrible for 8 stops. And then my nightmare became a reality. Ehhck.
Have I metioned how wonderful the buses are?
Tomorrow night is Fete de Musica where the whole city will be a party all night long with music, all different kinds of music, playing in all of the districts. It is a huge celebration and the trains run all night for it, businesses close early and hardly anyone goes to work/school the next day. Except for us of course, but I am okay with that. I think I am going to go hang out with my friends who live at the university where there is a huge mix of international students and the area is beautiful. They seem to be having huge bbqs every time I walk by.
I wanted to start this off with last week. Yikes. Well, last week I went to Giverny and Normandy and saw a wonderful Martin Par exhibit ( http://www.martinparr.com/ ) and interviewed Julie Morel ( http://julie.incident.net/english/ ) and met some more artists and ate some more cheese and drank some more wine. Did I mention we had a group picnic and I tried 21 different kinds of cheese? Well, I did.
Also Lol and Jenna visited and we had wonderfull Parisian days/nights. How cool it is to hang out with my English friends in Paris? So cherubic.
I have not been to Versaille nor the Eiffel Tower but will not be heartbroken if I do not get to it.
Also, I leave a week from Thursday for Venice and am running out of time for all the other places I want to visit.
Okay, I smell (hello, subway) and have to wake to start on another adventure before the big party begins tomorrow evening. So many fun pictures.

Visited many artists/galleries this week, learning all we are interested in, seeing how a medium can cross mediums and yet remain in one. Personally I have been focused on the sucess of a process for each artist, attemting to find their key moments of thought as a guide to help me to develop my own, sometimes weary thought making. But observation has always been easy, yet their is another room in it I am discovering.
I have made friends. Yay for me. You know when you are becoming comfortable around people when you begin to make fun of them.
I ordered breakfast yesterday morning in Spanish. I was so tired.
I think I did all my laundry with fabric softener. The verdict is still out.
The city is gorgeous now as the cool and rain have gone away. Everything here is a new kind of warm and I do not feel I am across an ocean anymore.
Some months I think a lot about where I would like to move when school is over. I used to think about Europe a lot too. I still do but these past few months I cannot get far in that thinking. I don't wish to move anywhere for awhile. Perhaps there are too many places.
I have to keep reminding myself that I have another month of traveling after this one. How easy I forget.
I saw a poppy I had never seen before in Chartes yesterday.
The roses in the courtyard are about 8 feet high. One night I was down there with two girls. We took the benches from underneath the trees ane placed them in the middle of the grass. There were two groups of friends occupying the tables. They all spoke French. One group had a guitar. One would play a song with it and pass it off to the next. All the songs had english lyrics and we would help them with it as they only new the chorus. I have never like Wonderwall as much as that night.
It is hard to miss anything when you around so much beauty or life.
Today is the first day I have woken ready for awhile. It normally takes me a bit as I try to remember yesterday's many events. Even that being, yesterday was packed, leaving at 8:30 am and returning on the last metro for the night. But I had a drink with Lol and Jenna whom I have not seen in almost three years. The drawn out realization of what has changed in the last 3 years hit me on the way home. So the ground felt harder and I could not see the street lights as fast. I noticed the breeze was not as cool as it had been the day before, but that did not make the feeling go away.
But hey, I am in Paris and I am having dinner with them tonight, so strange where I find myself. Will it all seem a dream at the end of this summer? haha, I don't seem to care either way.

All the emotions you are to feel, all you wish for yourself, for him, for the world. Oh the crumbling mess your language, your hopes, your actions make as you try to say everything by saying nothing. I love.
I am cold here, hardly any warm clothes as I read/write, go go, read/write, go go, crumble. So much is going on.
Past; whether I attempt to touch and leave, the dissatisfaction comes and stays or changes and I look for a description. I wanted more years to go by; "How do you say everything by saying nothing but it not being bullshit?"
I watched how.

Stomach is doing a few flips when thinking of the fact that I do not (still) know any French and the simple thought of the adventure ahead. No matter what the subject matter, not knowing the road ahead stirs my emotions. SO EXCITED!
Bye for now, be back in 58 days!

i lost my cell phone this weekend so please email me at fireandhope@aol.com to contact me or send me your phone number (all are lost/gone).

Luckiest girl, ever. Leaving the end of this month for two. Soaking up all I love around here, knowing I will miss my least favorite season of contemplation. What to say about all that wonderfulness? I'm not sure, but if I did, it would be wonderful.

Your heroes hold you up strong against all that's evil from so young. Finding more and less as we age, we go to an extent that leaves the rest to us. We'll never be as great as our heroes, we'll never live up to our own expectations. Maybe this realization is easy for some, it's not for me.
What I grant to the title of success is undetermined right now.

Catching up on sleep and building more work hours since the last day of school which seems almost a month ago.

Went to the beach Sunday. Think it was the first time I did not go in the water. Just too perfect of a feeling to change it. Mom and I took pictures next to seagulls. It felt like the beach town in New Jersey.

Listening to Hall & Oates, Face to Face, Husker Du, Manitoba, The Wrens and Alkaline Trio. Sometimes in that order. Revival and strangeness. Makes you humble, makes you scream. Inside, outside.
I haven't not listened to Jawbreaker since last fall.
"If I had a choice, don't you think I'd make it?"

Not playing water polo anymore, started running. Super high impact but I think I am compensating.

Keep having the same reoccurring dream where I am in a car with my dad and sister. There's a song playing and they're making fun of it/something around them. But it's more the kind of joking that is situational, not direct. Like what you notice in a movie but never talk about. Katy is next to me in the back seat, I am sitting behind Dad, he is driving. They keep watching every which way at a traffic light and each smile they turn their heads in such a slow way.

Am I the only one not seeing Star Wars tonight? Part of me does not want to see it, keep it going just a few days longer. So great.

Much more to say and I don't want to. Have fun if you are watching it tonight, I'll be doing laundry, running and reading while thinking of not missing anything.

http://gprime.net/images/sidewalkchalkguy/

How did I not see Say Anything before Friday night? Wow.

Babysat for triplets last night. A blonde, a brunette and a red head. Not kidding. I am looking into finding out the chances of this.

School means so much to me.

This might weird you out. Neat though.
http://www.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~morph/Transformer/

mom is having a garage sale soon, i would love to see what will be there.
being around families with teenagers makes me wish i could take their place for a day, enjoy the lifestyle. if i were in high school and had a premonition of my life now, i would be very satisfied.
worked on projects for 6 straight hours. no eating, talking, singing, moving. just drawing, clicking, and staring at the table/wall. i lean back frequently and tilt my head up for fear of getting neck pain. i can go a whole week (a few times a year, not everyday) with simply staring at the ceiling (as long as it is not a popcorn ceiling). and then there are days when i work. i really work. and then i want to swim a few miles so the back of my head feels normal again. i should really invest in a good chair.
it is very annoying to eat with friends at a place you have no interest/desire to eat at. then you are forced to eat from a menu that is unappealing, unhealthy. i guess family dinners are somewhat like that too sometimes.
i want to buy a room full of shoes and cardigans.
the problem with cold weather in florida: no one is ever expecting it. so then, it really is cold and it hurts.

the following is from friend _yaymatt. great conversation piece and one to think about while stuck in traffic on the howard franklin.
-
if it weren't for other people, i wouldn't have heard my favorite bands, read my favorite books, or met some of my best friends.

recommend:

1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album
4. a person on livejournal not on my friends list
5. a recipe
6. a website
7. a quote


1. star wars: revenge of the sith

2. the art of travel, alain de botton

3. the wrens

4. (at a loss here)

5. 1 cup o oatmeal + 1 cup o plain yogurt + 1/3 cup o strawberries + 1/4 cup o blueberries + 1 tablespoon o honey

6. http://www.braingle.com/games/tetris/

7."For her everything was red, orange, gold-red from the sun on the closed eyes, and it all was that color, all of it, the filling, the possessing, the having, all of that color, all in a blindness of that color." -E. Hemingway, For Whom The Bell Tolls
-

There are fireworks outside and show no sign of stopping.
Be trendy to, sing to, to dance around with, to call me up and sing to: Some Franz Ferdinand.
In 8th grade my mom color-coded all of our cds with dots. I had blue dots on my cds. I did not have many cds, I made a lot of tapes from the radio or at friends. I found the Romeo & Juliet soundtrack from 1996 with a blue dot.

So 2004, I look back on my electronic organizer and realize there are no tiny scribblings/drawings for events and sad times and hot times and scarf times. So that and more frequent flossing and mix cds are on the to-do list for 2005.
Wrap up ( was gold with white & gold bows )-
Was successful in academics, mental adventures. Perhaps many of you feel school a waste of time although necessary. Bummer.
Vacationed to places I wanted to visit.
The last time I went to so few shows I was 14.
Holidays were good all around.
The hardest part about 2004 was dealing with vacant friends. Why does everyone move or live too far away? Will you all move back when I move? Not always physical. Perhaps I needed the understanding of the role my friends play in this deeply comparing, tainted and beautiful cast. All of you have your opposites. Who is my opposite.
The easiest part of this year has been Edward.
2004 reminded me that although ambition is for the taking (not in one's dna), control is a small portion in a series of in-coincidental clips.

"

Everyone's standing by hesitating.
So many people halfway there.
Between two points in the middle of nowhere.


Love is to share,
mine is for you.

"

It snowed last night! Real snowing! Not rain or simple flurries but actually snowfall. It was beautiful and bitterly cold and now it is white outside.

My senior year of high school, the room(s) I slept in were always cold. I had my apple, it would play a quickly put together playlist I remember there being many U2 songs.
Cold weather is funny, it's not so enjoyable, to battle in, against and yet it gives me these funny sparks and closeness to everything around me that is like nothing else.
Could I survive a winter? I can survive anything but death, this I know. So winter, I have been anxious to test those waters since the first time I was asked, "Have you seen snow?"
I am vacationing now. I am finishing a book I started almost a year ago. I have time to write, watch television. I don't think I will get around to holiday greetings. I have made enough cool stuff this year.
"I brush my teeth until they break, until I start bleeding so when I smile I'll know I'm almost good enough for you. And would you, follow me to the end of the dare, raise your eyes, return the stare. Become your words, your words so becoming, on any Sunday I'll be there."

Floridans are so cute. This morning, the coffee addicts filed in with leather jackets and a chirpy step, ready for breezy soccer games and a thirty minute trip to buy a bottle of wine or 40 minutes figuring out which shirt is about now not then. Watching all the plans, all the redundant in comfort of where one lives, plays and carries on through children, through novels, through another whiskey on the rocks.
Our new apartment is much nicer than anyone in their 20's deserves, there are pink and purple flowers out back and the wood floors look nice against his piano and my silly shoes. It will be a disappoint to see what I move into when I move up north one day.
Luckiest girl, ever.
The reason I choose this career (design) is so I can create things all the time and continue the small joys it brings. The reason I want this career to make a lot of money for me is to have a huge house up north to invite people I love and to hear them say, "You are the greatest host!" and of course to buy a lot of shoes and see what it feels like to drink coffee in different places around the world and take pictures of their ground and sunsets.
Things to try: goat cheese on hamburgers, arroz con pollo con manzanas.
Well, there's some green and there's some white and there's some gold, but brighter colors I have left you to behold, it's your good fortune, there's a fortune to be paid.
Wherever you go, there you are.